Satan standing for the Greens in Jimwollis
IT'S BEEN revealed the Greens candidate for Jimwolliss in the 2015 Queensland Election is Satan.
The Angel of the Bottomless Pit won preselection in the traditional LNP seat after the last Greens member went missing in a freak waterboarding accident.
Satan's first venture into politics began after CSG companies began mining the gas he'd been using to fuel his furnaces.
"I can't exactly use solar, can I?" he told Frisky Business.
"I think the public are ready for me to join the Greens, especially given the local perception of our policies.
"Have you seen what Australian wildlife can do to a human? If I don't conserve their populations I'll have nothing to use back home."
State Greens spokesperson Rex Inferis released a statement praising Satan.
"Hell really goes to show that Satan is at the forefront of sustainable energy production," Mr Inferis said.
"We feel that he'll be an appropriate representative for Jimwolliss."
The incumbent LNP member, Jess Uskrist, said summoning Lucifer for political gain smacked of hypocrisy.
"This is just more anti-development, anti-job, anti-Jesus nonsense from the minor parties.
"My campaigners can't even steal their corflutes for fear of being torn apart by demons."
Labor candidate Jude Astill had little to say about the preselection.
"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention," she said.
"They selected who? You can't be serious. Do you think he does personal loans?"
Frisky Business asked Satan why he hadn't chosen either of the other major parties.
"Whoa, calm down. Even I have standards.
"I think we need to move away from the two-party system.
"Just kidding, I want to end all life on Earth. Has anyone seen Joe Hockey around? He still has my budget management textbook."
Satan would like to remind all those attending Saturday's Jimwolliss Greens branch meeting to bring their own mugs.
Frisky Business is a satire column. It is not real.