US government’s ridiculous avo warning
IN NEWS that will shock approximately nobody, Americans have a bizarre relationship with food.
They bake marshmallows on top of sweet potatoes, store fake cheese in aerosol cans and would probably deep-fry your firstborn child if they had the chance.
But this latest food warning from the US government is just crazy enough to give you a new-found respect for all those North Korean bomb threats.
The latest Food and Drug Administration (FDA) report, released earlier this month, recommends thoroughly washing your avocados under running water before eating, cutting or cooking it.
Yep, the outer layer. As in, the layer that you literally peel off and throw in the garbage bin, because no human in their right mind would consume the fruit's scrotal-like rubbery exterior.
The researchers compiled data showing listeria monocytogenes - aka the gross stuff present in soil, dirty water and certain animals - was found on 17 per cent of avocado samples taken from 2014 to 2016.
It gets more bizarre. The FDA further recommends physically scrubbing the produce with a special brush, then drying the fruit clean with a clean cloth or paper towel before cutting into and eating it. It's a lotof extra steps for a fruit that's overrated as hell to begin with.
Apparently the bacteria can be easily transferred from the skin to the knife, which can then contaminate the creamy green innards.
According to the report, those at greater risk of contracting the disease include pregnant women, newborn babies and the elderly, as well as anyone whose immune system has been compromised.
You'll know you've consumed a rogue avo if you suddenly develop headaches, fevers, tiredness and body aches, which can all take place weeks after infection.
Grim as it sounds, we should point out there has never been an avocado-related listeria outbreak to date, and in the study, only three out of 1,254 of the pulp samples tested actually came back positive.
Regardless, one could argue avocado tastes like snotty alien mush, and anyone willing to spend $18.95 on the overrated fruit at a wanky inner-city cafe deserves their grisly fate. Soz.