Florence is back! Wait, now she’s not!
Florence is back! Wait, now she’s not!

‘I’m done’: Mass exit rocks Bachelor In Paradise

WITH only a handful of episodes left, the few remaining singles on Bachelor In Paradise are getting increasingly desperate, with one pulling an exceptionally bold move in tonight's episode.

There are two "single" girls left on the show - Elora and Florence - and one single guy, Jared the American.

Unless throuples are your thing, those numbers don't add up, and with a rose ceremony looming Elora hatches a plan to steal Apollo away from his fledgling relationship with Simone at the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party.

We've broken down her stunningly complex plan, step by step:

Elora you evil genius.
Elora you evil genius.

STEP 1: Walk up to Apollo while he's talking to Simone.

STEP 2: Tell Apollo you've obtained some fire-twirling sticks for you both to play with.

STEP - no, wait, that's the whole plan. And it works! Apollo drops Simone like a hot fire stick, leaving her fuming at Elora.

"It's coming towards the end … you can't force yourself on a guy like this. This is desperate," she says.

Simone, visibly upset her beefy lunch has been cut.
Simone, visibly upset her beefy lunch has been cut.

Desperate it may be, but Elora's bold move also gifts us shots of a near-naked Apollo generously oiling up his naked torso that, I'm not going to lie, have made me pregnant.

Why does he need to oil himself up to twirl fire sticks? Shut up, that's why!
Why does he need to oil himself up to twirl fire sticks? Shut up, that's why!

The two begin fire twirling on the beach, Elora whooping and hollering to make sure the other contestants come out and watch her little display.

"I'm not going to go down there - I'm not that girl. She looks like a desperate cow," says Simone.

Is it bad that I'd let Apollo set fire to me?
Is it bad that I'd let Apollo set fire to me?

Speaking of desperate, Florence spends the cocktail party sidling up to Jared in the hopes that he'll give her a rose to make her second stint in Paradise last longer than five minutes.

"I think you're smart - there's something about you," she tells him, batting her eyelashes.

"Oh, thank you … I think you are too," he says. "I mean, I haven't really talked to you."

 

‘Hey I love you and you should give me your rose! Name's Florence, by the way’
‘Hey I love you and you should give me your rose! Name's Florence, by the way’

While the rest of the contestants are all considered "coupled up" at this late stage, the couple with the shakiest foundation is Rachael and Thomas. They don't seem to have much of a spark, but Rachael insists she's still holding "a little glimmer of hope" that love will blossom.

Love. Blossom. With this guy:

Who knew there was a market for professional Kevin Federline impersonators
Who knew there was a market for professional Kevin Federline impersonators

THE ROSE CEREMONY

The coupled-up men all choose their respective female partners - including Thomas, who picks a relieved-looking Rachael.

American Jared is torn between Elora and Florence. Which one will he choose? Standing before the women, he announces that he doesn't want to lead anyone on.

"I've decided not to hand out my rose - I'm going to leave Paradise."

It's hard not to feel an ego blow when the man you're wooing rejects you for 'nobody.'

In true Florence style, she brushes off the rejection as her fellow contestants console her. "I don't even CARE! PFFT!" She is definitely NOT MAD!

Florence has BRCF (Bitchy Rose Ceremony Face)
Florence has BRCF (Bitchy Rose Ceremony Face)

 

Apollo's next, and with his body oil wiped off and a difficult decision to make, the poor thing seems very glum. He chooses Simone, but he doesn't seem overly thrilled about any of it.

Rose ceremony over, both Elora and Florence are out - Elora in particular looks devastated her fire twirling mating dance didn't work.

 

‘Next time I'll do the Macarena for him, boys love that’
‘Next time I'll do the Macarena for him, boys love that’

"That was a bloody disaster. I did not get any of the things I came to Paradise for," says Florence. "Everything was against me. It's bulls**t. I'm done here."

Florence, never change. We hope you were boozily ranting and swearing at whichever unfortunate sod got stuck sitting next to you on the flight home.

In an intense post-ceremony chat, Apollo and Simone both agree that their relationship is moving too fast, and they'd like to wait until they're free from the pressures of the show to explore their connection further.

"I want to be on the outside and do normal things with him," says Simone (we can only assume she does NOT mean fire-twirling).

The pair comes to an agreement: They will leave Bachelor In Paradise together, hand-in-hand - not in love, but ready to find out if they could be, free of all fire-twirling man-stealers.

 

‘Where else did you put those fire twirling sticks Apollo? Answer me’
‘Where else did you put those fire twirling sticks Apollo? Answer me’

The next morning, with Apollo and Simone's absence noticeable to the rest of the contestants, Osher drops by the resort with official news. Weirdly, he doesn't even mention the missing pair, instead delivering the couples an ultimatum.

There are no more rose ceremonies, and couples who don't see a serious future for themselves must own up and leave the resort today.

Most of the couples respond to this dramatic news with an instant pash session ...

 

OK guys we get it, you don't need to mount each other in front of Osher
OK guys we get it, you don't need to mount each other in front of Osher

 

... while Rachael and Thomas just sort of look at their feet awkwardly.

 

You can tell a Wella woman etc.
You can tell a Wella woman etc.

The two go off for a private chat, with Rachael clearly still hopeful of a future with Thomas. He has exactly the opposite view, so she has to endure him slowly ripping the Band-Aid off as he explains his lack of interest in her.

Post-dumping, poor Rachael has to get consoled on camera by a producer, presumably because all the happy couples are still busy pashing.

 

The final indignity: Consoled on-camera by the crew
The final indignity: Consoled on-camera by the crew

"I'm at the age where I really feel like I should be married," she says tearfully, as Thomas makes a hasty exit from the resort. "I ask myself, what am I doing wrong?"

Tearfully bemoaning her single status to whichever crew member's not on break is not the most glorious end to Rachael's time in Paradise - but it is about as real as reality TV gets.

Bachelor in Paradise continues 7:30pm on Sunday, then concludes 7:30pm next Monday on Ten.


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