Karl holiday proves Byron is overcooked
It says a lot when even Karl Stefanovic reckons something's overcooked.
As Byron Bay authorities work hard to ensure enough tofu and chia seeds are in stock ahead of the town's peak celebrity summer season, the Today host's decision to bypass the hot spot in favour of Queensland's Noosa is a sign we're all officially done with the Haus Of Hemsworth.
He was papped enjoying his time off on a Sunshine Coast beach this week and the photos can only be interpreted as a blatant rebellion against the Hollywoodification of Byron Bay.
This bold move may just be the thing to get Karl back on top as a man of the people. Byron Bay is too glam these days and us regular folk don't want acai bowels and boutique accommodation. We don't even know how to pronounce acai. We want normal food and a Rydges.
The last year or two has seen the shire transform from a hippie haven to a Vaucluse replica but with more Birkenstocks.
Rich people have taken over. They're easy to spot. The rich city women are usually swathed in too much linen and the rich city men trade in their business suits for board shorts and weird braided leather bracelets as if they're Matthew McConaughey.
It has now spiralled out of control. First came the Hemsworths, then the Damons and the influencers. This year ramped up with US actor Zac Efron setting up stumps - a new neighbour for locals Pete Evans and model Gemma Ward. Carrie Bickmore's also got a shack up there.
Nicole Kidman and Melissa McCarthy added more A-list star power over the last few months while filming a new show in the area.
And this is all before the holidays gear up. Celebrity trainer Michelle Bridges and singer Anthony Callea kicked off the sightings when they were papped chilling in the town a few days ago. And Twitter went nuts this week about Bec Judd's decision to hightail it out of Melbourne for a temporary sea change in Byron over summer. Prepare for more high profile sightings in the coming days.
Just six months ago, Karl was one of the many celebs buying into the Byron myth and heading there to live his best life on holiday. And why wouldn't he? It's the only place on earth where his fedora doesn't look ridiculous.
But even he sensed it was all about to boil over into chaos, so he traded the bay for Noosa - a place that really is the original example of how rich people can ruin a city. Still, since all the rich people turned their attention to Byron Bay, they kinda forgot about Noosa so it's up for grabs again.
Either way, it's unanimous: we need to find a new Byron. The east coast of Australia is dotted with thousands of beachside communities just waiting to be ruined by everyday holiday makers like us and, eventually, rich people - so let's pick one and start the revolution.
If we don't want to venture too far out of our comfort zones, we can always just reclaim the Gold Coast from all those reality TV contestants. It's not as chic as Byron Bay but at least it has refined carbs and an airport. But let's widen the search.
If we're more in the mood for the south coast of New South Wales we could always just run the retirees out of Batemans Bay. We'll have to find a place to dump all their old rubber non-slip shower mats, but that's an issue for another time.
Somewhere with a lot of untapped potential is Seventeen Seventy, between Gladstone and Bundaberg. There's only about a hundred people living there so we can just blow through and do whatever we want with the joint. We'll roll in a few bulldozers, whack up a water slide park and build a food court where the caravan ground is.
The town also has a bit of mystery and intrigue about it. Like Byron, you need to fly into an airport and then drive an hour to get there. It's remote and secretive. Untouched.
And its name is very hashtag-able #1770. Really, that's all that matters.
Originally published as Karl holiday proves Byron is overcooked