KELLY Clarkson has said that she was so miserable when she was skinny that she wanted to kill herself.
The singer was just 20 years old when she won American Idol and was locked into a long contract with RCA Records.
Part of the deal though was that Clarkson was forced to stay thin - a policy that almost led to her walking away from the industry.
"It was a very dark time for me," Clarkson told Attitude magazine about the first few years of her career.
"I thought the only way out was quitting. I like wrecked my knees and my feet because all I would do is put in headphones and run. I was at the gym all the time.
"When I was really skinny, I wanted to kill myself. I was miserable, like inside and out, for four years of my life. But no one cared, because aesthetically you make sense."
Clarkson's life was made even worse by her love/hate relationship with RCA boss Clive Davis. The music mogul, who took over RCA in 2004, wasn't a fan of some of Clarkson's songs, in particular her 2004 hit Because of You.
"I was told that was a shitty song because it didn't rhyme," Clarkson told Variety.
"A group of men thought it was OK to sit around a young woman and bully her. I was told I should shut up and sing."
At the time, Davis played Clarkson a song called Behind These Hazel Eyes and told the singer to put that song on her album Breakaway instead.
Embarrassingly, Davis didn't realise that Clarkson had also written that song. Awkward ...
Clarkson is now with Atlantic Records and will release her eighth studio album, Meaning of Life, later this week.
If you or someone you know is in need of crisis or suicide prevention support, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visit www.lifeline.org.au/gethelp
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