The long goodbye: Oblivious MAFS groom is finally dumped
AS ONE wife slashed her oblivious husband's hopes of continuing their marriage by finally dumping him on a beach with a slow and painful speech, another almost let her lack of knowledge about Snapchat end her marriage.
It was a long time coming for Michelle and Jesse and, on Tuesday night's episode of Married At First Sight, the moment came where she had to figure out what to do with Jesse's door.
In the lead up to her vow renewal ceremony, viewers wondered whether Michelle would submit to her husband's half-baked metaphor.
Would Michelle find the door Jesse had spoken about for so long? Where is the door? Is Michelle the door? Would Jesse be at the commitment ceremony holding a door and make Michelle deliver her verdict by either walking through the door or slamming the door in an awful act of symbolism?
We got all these answers.
But first, we witness some year 10-style drama that I seriously did not see coming. Sharon and Michelle have a fight in a park over the fact Michelle has added Nick as a friend on that app Kylie Jenner uses that I can't figure out.
In their tiny shorts and puffer vests (seriously, you're either hot or you're cold), they huff around the park for ages getting mad at each other.
"Don't get weird about the Nick thing. I got everyone on Snapchat," Michelle rolls her eyes at Sharon, while probably live-Snapchatting the moment.
"Michelle, I don't follow you on Snapchat. It was a shock," an annoyed Sharon snips back before storming off from the communal barbecues to the playground.
Michelle gets offended by Sharon's accusatory tone and lack of knowledge about what Snapchat is, so she fights back.
"This is f*cked!" Sharon yells. "You're the one that kept bringing it up. It was just a comment up there."
But Michelle remembers the events differently, and then she brings Sharon's face into the argument.
"It wasn't just a comment, Sharon. It was that look you normally do. Yeah, I won't even go there. Trust me mate," she informs her sister.
It then spirals into an argument about that look that Sharon always gives and when she refuses to look at Michelle anymore it just angers her even more.
None of us are clear about what exactly this look is that Sharon always gives, but I've selected some options of her face from the past eight weeks that swing between judgmental and menacing in an attempt to understand where Michelle is coming from.
Once she gets home, Sharon does some Googling to find out what exactly Snapchat is. And then she feels like an idiot.
"I do feel like a bit of a goofball," she laughs before breaking down in her kitchen as she tries to shake off the embarrassment of not knowing about Snapchat by linking it to her trust issues from a former relationship.
Later, while Sharon downloads Snapchat and adds Jesse to get back at her sister, Michelle is visiting her mum to talk about the dead-end marriage she's trapped herself in.
Michelle gets real deep and tells her mum about all that door business.
"He was talking about this door that he's seen. He wants me to find the door and he wants me to walk through it with him," Michelle explains.
Michelle's mum reacts appropriately.
Jesse is still totally oblivious to Michelle's disinterest and absolutely thinks he's in with a chance.
"She probably will think maybe we should give it a shot outside of the experiment," he tells his mum.
"She's the 'wow' girl I've been looking for. Sometimes I look at her and go ... 'wow'," he says later, and this phrase is almost as annoying as his door theory.
When the day of their vow renewal rolls around, Michelle and Jesse stand among some scrap timber wedged into the sand and deliver their verdicts.
Jesse's first up, and he begins sounding out the words in his letter. He says he wishes he opened up sooner.
"I'm worried ... I've missed ... the chance ... to be more ... than a friend. But I hope ... that I am ... wrong," he says with a lot of pauses.
"Michelle I want to ... stay ... in this relationship with you ... and give this a real ... shot."
Michelle's in quite a bind. She's stayed this far even though she clearly doesn't feel the same way about Jesse, and now she has to dump him on national television.
Delivering her decision, it's slow and painful. She starts out being really nice and complimentary but this only drives her further away from her end decision and sets Jesse's hopes up. She then has to U-turn and give him some real talk. There's no good way to do this, and she gets so lost she eventually whips out Jesse's own door metaphor.
"You've said that you have seen the door and you are waiting for me to find it. So that we can walk through hand-in-hand," she says.
She's been slowly winding to her decision. And it finally comes.
"So thankfully, our paths have crossed. Because I do want you in my life forever. But not as your partner," she tells him.
She craps on about how they're not losing something but gaining a friendship and it's all rubbish.
While Jesse says he's fine with the relationship ending, his eyes say otherwise.
With the marriage she hated officially over, Michelle immediately turns around and jogs away into the sunset. It's the most romantic moment she's been involved in for the past eight weeks.
But while Jesse's door slams shut in his face, one opens for Sharon and Nick.
At their vow renewal ceremony on the other side of Perth, Nick is totally in love with Sharon and of course he chooses to stay. Sharon feels the same and they're both psyched and in love and everything is perfect.
Sharon is so thrilled, she celebrates the only way she knows how. By rubbing her happy news in the face of her now-single sister Michelle via Snapchat.
For more observations on doors and adding your sister's husband on Snapchat, follow me on Twitter: @hellojamesweir